


hold me close before you go

by t_hens



Series: never wanna be EXES [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:05:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: after their three days together, the last thing Dan wants to do is to go home. but when Phil offers to drive, rather than have him take the train, this gives them a little more time together and gives Dan some time to try to put words to all the overwhelming things he is feeling.





	hold me close before you go

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Phandomficfest: Bingo Fest - prompt used: 2009
> 
> semi-sequel to [the way that i like you,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14595483) but can be read alone
> 
> based off of [Memorize](https://open.spotify.com/track/0gaKznF9Cez2uIHs8mCU9W) by EXES
> 
> beta by [fourthingsandawizard](https://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com/)

The first thing Dan is aware of when he wakes up is the sun on his face. He groggily wonders how he forgot to close his blinds, and then he feels the arms wrapped around his waist. He cracks an eye open and remembers he's at Phil's in Manchester, and the weekend floods back to him quickly.

Dan sighs happily and snuggles closer to Phil, feeling his arms wrap tighter around him. Phil burrows his head into the crease of Dan’s neck, leaving kisses along his shoulder. Dan giggles and turns over, kissing him on the nose, the cheek, then a quick peck on the lips.

"Good morning," he says quietly, not wanting to break the peaceful spell of the morning.

"Morning," Phil says, pulling him to his chest.

Dan goes happily, tucking himself into the space where it's warm and smells like Phil.

"Do you want breakfast before we have to get going?"

Dan feels his happy morning bubble deflating a bit, but nods. Phil gives him a quick hug and starts to get out of bed, leaving Dan to lay there and pout. He laughs at Dan's petulance, giving him a light smack on the bottom before leaving the room. Dan lays there for a moment before heaving himself up and into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Phil is already downstairs making coffee and attempting to make pancakes, which just means there is flour and sugar covering almost every surface and a slightly burnt smell fills the air. Dan laughs heartily at his attempt and starts assisting, making the whole ordeal go a lot smoother.

They take their food to the table and, although Dan would love nothing more than to have another one of their three-hour breakfasts, he knows they have to eat fairly quickly. He has to be back home at a reasonable hour, and Phil insists on driving him back, rather than letting him take the train home.

Dan had laughed when Phil first suggested it, sure that Phil was just joking, because why would Phil offer up so much of his time, just to take him home? But Phil had puffed up his chest and told him that he was driving him home because he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, and Dan had a hard time disagreeing with that logic.

They finish their breakfast and Dan slowly makes his way upstairs to pack. He is a little shocked at how he managed to make such a mess of Phil's room in such a short amount of time. His clothes are strung from one end to the other, mixed in with Phil's like they belong there, and the thought makes him feel a pang of bittersweet happiness. Though it had only been a short amount of time he's been there, it already feels a bit like home, and he's reluctant to leave.

Phil joins him after a few minutes, sitting on the bed and occasionally pointing out an item he's missed, or calling him out for trying to sneak in one of Phil's shirts. They tease and bant and flirt, reminding Dan how easy things are between them, and how desperately he is going to miss this.

He knows logically that it's not like he's never going to see Phil again. They already have plans to see each other for the Halloween meetup in London in less than two weeks, but it's different. There will be other people around for that, and he's selfish enough to just want Phil all to himself, just like it is now.

And there is skype and their phones, too, but this - being in the same room and being able to look over and see the goofy grin on Phil's face in person, being able to walk over and touch him, _kiss him_ , isn't something he can do on skype or on the phone, and he's a bit terrified to let this time together go while he has it in his hands.

He puts the last item in his bag and then just stands there for a second, contemplating emptying it back out and forcing himself to start over to buy a little more time. Phil seems to read his mind because he swoops in and grabs his bag before he can sabotage things, slinging it over his shoulder.

"Are you ready?"

Dan lets out a puff of air, blowing his long fringe out of his face.

"I guess if I have to be."

Phil smiles and kisses him. Dan leans into it, wrapping his arms around Phil. He pulls away after a second, though, much to Dan's dismay.

"I know what you're doing," Phil chuckles, unwinding Dan's arms from around his neck.

Dan blinks at him innocently. "Whatever are you referring to?"

Phil gives him a look that is probably meant to be stern, but with the corners of his mouth twitching up into a smile, the effect is a bit ruined.

"Fine! Fine! Let's go, I guess."

He follows Phil out of the room and downstairs where Phil spends 20 minutes trying to find his parents keys, only to realize they were hanging up the whole time, like he was convinced they weren't. Dan laughs at him and it's Phil's turn to pout, whining that Dan could have helped him look. Dan shakes him head, poking him in the stomach.

"You're just lucky I didn't hide them from you."

Phil seems to have not thought about that possibility and doesn't argue anymore, just ushers Dan to the car before he gets any more ideas.

The car is roomy and nice, much like everything the Lester's own. They buckle up and Phil takes his time turning on music and putting Dan's address into the GPS.

"You really didn't have to drive me, you know. I could have just taken the train."

Guilt is making his guts squirm uncomfortably, and he wishes desperately it would stop.

"I wanted to. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Plus, I could always use more driving practice."

"Oh, God, you're not gonna kill us, are you?"

Phil laughs that loud, unguarded laugh of his that Dan has come to think of as his favorite sound in the world.

"No! I'm not _that_ bad. I just don't get much practice cause Dad or Martyn usually drive."

"Okay," Dan says hesitantly, causing Phil to grip his knee and tickle him.

"Okay! Okay!" he says through his giggles, "I trust you!"

Phil seems to take that as a surrender and stops tickling him. He returns his hands to the steering wheel and backs out of the driveway and navigates onto the motorway.

Silence fills the car soon, and it's the kind of silence that Dan has come to be able to appreciate. With everyone in his life, silence has always meant something ominous. With his parents, it usually means he is in trouble. With his ex, it meant that she was mad at him, like she usually was. He never has to second guess what it means with Phil, though. They are able to sit with their own thoughts and he doesn't have to worry about being entertaining, nor does he feel like needs to _be_ entertained.

After a while, seemingly once he's more comfortable driving, Phil reaches over and takes his hand. Dan threads his fingers with Phil's and his heart aches a little, with both happiness and melancholy.

He never in his life thought things would work out like they had with him and Phil, and now that they have, he is scared that if he lets go, he will wake up and it will have all been some elaborate dream.

Phil seems to know he's overthinking, so he gives his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I can feel you thinking from over here. What's on your mind?"

Dan ducks his head to hide his blush, not used to having someone who knows him so well just yet.

"I'm just gonna miss you," he says.

It's a gross oversimplification of what he's feeling, and Phil probably knows it, but doesn't call him out on it.

"I'm going to miss you, too. A lot." He rubs his thumb along the back of Dan's hand, making Dan close his eyes in contentment. "It's gonna be hard to sleep without you."

Dan nods, not quite trusting himself to try and speak over the growing lump in his throat.

He thinks back to the whole weekend and tries his best to memorize each moment the best he can: the Sky Bar, the Manchester Wheel, their first kiss, laying in bed together and three-hour breakfasts; every tiny moment they had crammed into their three days together.

He sighs deeply and gazes out the window, watching the countryside rush by. He can still feel Phil's fingers brushing against the back of his hand and it helps calm him a little. He wants to remember that, too; the feeling of Phil's hand in his. He glances over and does his best to catalogue how Phil looks at that very moment.

He looks tired. There are purple shadows and bags visible under his glasses. He didn't shave this morning, so there is a shadow of stubble across his jaw that makes Dan want to kiss along it, so he can feel the scrape of it against his skin. His hair is a mess, too, well and truly a bird’s nest, but it just endears Dan to him more, knowing Phil lets him see him when he's not done up and perfect.

That ache in his chest grows a little more, if possible, when looking at him, but it’s not all bad. There’s fondness there, and a four-letter word that it is definitely too early to think, let alone say. He can feel it, though, in that place between his ribs, making him feel a little warmer than he was a few minutes ago, and a smile appears on his face before he can stop it.

“Are you laughing at my hair?” Phil gripes, trying to pull his hands from Dan’s, likely in an attempt to flatten his hair down. Dan keeps them entwined, though.

“No, I’m not. I just like you a lot.”

The corners of Phil’s eyes crinkle and his tongue pokes out, and that feeling between Dan’s ribs floods his whole body, all the way down to his toes. 

“I like you a lot, too.”

Dan’s answering smile feels like it’s too big for his face, hurting his cheeks. He knows that if they weren’t driving, Phil would probably poke a finger in one of his dimples, a habit he picked up quickly in the short amount of time they’d had together. The thought makes him smile bigger.

He looks out the window and lets the music and the feeling of Phil’s hand in his lift him out of the funk he had temporarily found himself in. 

Moments like these serve as a reminder: distance isn’t easy - he knows this, and he knows that as soon as he gets home and Phil leaves, he will probably be right back where he was. But one thing he knows for sure: Phil is worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> bet you thought I forgot about this series huh?
> 
> you can like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/178743685041/hold-me-close-before-you-go) if you like :)


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